My Anxious Heart

I have a confession to make. I am a stresser. I stress over all sorts of decisions, big and small, and oftentimes allow that stress to steal much of the peace and joy which I might otherwise find in life (not to mention my health!). This is something which God has been dealing with my on quite a bit the last few months as I've been struggling to make some important decisions (as well as some not so important ones, lol.) In my quite times with Him He's given me verses like Psalm 37:7a "Do not fret," and Philippians 4:6, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let you requests be made known to God." My mother has addressed this issue with me as well, telling me that I stress too much over everything. So, I'm working on it. Although, it's certainly not easy. I feel like my conversations with the Lord have been going something like this:
"Father, I'd really appreciate your guidance on this decision. It's stressing me a lot, and I need to decide. I have a deadline!"
"It's alright. Just trust in me. You've told me my request, now wait for me to answer it."
"But, Lord, I have a deadline!"
"Yes, I heard you."
"But, but, the deadline's soon! And it's an important decision!"
"I know. Don't worry. You'll have your answer when you need it."
So, we'll have this conversation for awhile. Then, I'll begin to think I may have an answer, and I'll start stressing over that.
"Are You sure that's the right decision, Lord? I don't know... The other option looks pretty good too. Are You telling me this, or am I just thinking it on my own? Is this guidance from You, or just my own thoughts and emotions and feelings, etc. playing tricks on me?"
Fortunately, He is faithful and patient with me. He does give me my answers when I need them, and, slowly but surely, He is shaping me and teaching me, calming my anxious heart. :)
Thus it is that I have made some big decisions lately about my school, living situation, etc. which will likely have a significant impact on my life in the next couple of years, and I am excited (though still a bit nervous as well) to see what He is going to do with it all!

On a separate note, I am leaving on a nearly two week vacation to Michigan on Wednesday and while there will have very little internet capability. Therefore, I will likely be neglecting this poor blog even more than usual, but maybe I'll have some fun things to post from my trip when I get back!

IF

I recieved this poem as a gift from my grandmother when I graduated highschool. Similar to the women of the Bible poem I posted previously, it has always challenged me in the way that I approach life and the obstacles which I face in the course of it. So, I thought I would share. :)

IF...
by Rudyard Kipling

IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

To My Daddy

I am, in so many ways, my father's child. From my love of mathematics to my passion for reading, my eyesight to the curve of my little toes, I resemble him in so many ways in both my personality and my physical appearance. Some of my favorite childhood memories are of laying in my bed at night while my father told me bedtime stories as only he could (My friends will testify that he told bedtime stories like no-one else. They were all jealous!) or reading to my from favorite series such as The Chronicles of Narnia, Old Yeller, or Little House on the Prairie. He did, truly, instill in me a passion for Literature for which I will be eternally grateful.

As I sit here pondering things to tell you about my daddy, I truly can't come up with what the most important things to let you know are, his sense of humor? the way in which he can bring the Proverbs to life like no one else? The devotion he displays towards his family? The fact that I know he would do anything to protect me while still desiring me to learn and grow on my own as a young adult? The way in which he protects our country as a colonel in the air force, preparing to deploy to Iraq for six months? The love he displays for my mother in so many ways? The way he mentors the young men under him at work? The desire he has to reach out to young men, disciple them, and help them to grow? None of these things really seem to capture him, although they are all important aspects of his character. So, I suppose I will just have to say that my father is a man whom I truly admire and love, and I am so very happy and blessed that the Lord chose to place me in his family.

I love you, Daddy, and am so grateful to be your daughter! Happy Father's Day!:)