06 July 2009

My Anxious Heart

I have a confession to make. I am a stresser. I stress over all sorts of decisions, big and small, and oftentimes allow that stress to steal much of the peace and joy which I might otherwise find in life (not to mention my health!). This is something which God has been dealing with my on quite a bit the last few months as I've been struggling to make some important decisions (as well as some not so important ones, lol.) In my quite times with Him He's given me verses like Psalm 37:7a "Do not fret," and Philippians 4:6, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let you requests be made known to God." My mother has addressed this issue with me as well, telling me that I stress too much over everything. So, I'm working on it. Although, it's certainly not easy. I feel like my conversations with the Lord have been going something like this:
"Father, I'd really appreciate your guidance on this decision. It's stressing me a lot, and I need to decide. I have a deadline!"
"It's alright. Just trust in me. You've told me my request, now wait for me to answer it."
"But, Lord, I have a deadline!"
"Yes, I heard you."
"But, but, the deadline's soon! And it's an important decision!"
"I know. Don't worry. You'll have your answer when you need it."
So, we'll have this conversation for awhile. Then, I'll begin to think I may have an answer, and I'll start stressing over that.
"Are You sure that's the right decision, Lord? I don't know... The other option looks pretty good too. Are You telling me this, or am I just thinking it on my own? Is this guidance from You, or just my own thoughts and emotions and feelings, etc. playing tricks on me?"
Fortunately, He is faithful and patient with me. He does give me my answers when I need them, and, slowly but surely, He is shaping me and teaching me, calming my anxious heart. :)
Thus it is that I have made some big decisions lately about my school, living situation, etc. which will likely have a significant impact on my life in the next couple of years, and I am excited (though still a bit nervous as well) to see what He is going to do with it all!

On a separate note, I am leaving on a nearly two week vacation to Michigan on Wednesday and while there will have very little internet capability. Therefore, I will likely be neglecting this poor blog even more than usual, but maybe I'll have some fun things to post from my trip when I get back!